Light or Darkness?

Contrasting photo.

To me, it can be a sunrise or it can be a sunset.

It’s just like our results.

Will it be something that will illuminate us? Or will it be something that will cover us in darkness?

All I can say is, pray hard and god bless.

Give everything? No, I dont think I can.

It is also cruel..

Not long ago, I once gave all my love to a girl that eventually didn’t accept me/refuse ( see which version you prefer).

I built my world around her. So when she is gone, my world nosedived and came crashing to a halt. I was hurt and it took me months to eventually got used to it. Thankfully, I got my world up and running with the help of my friends.

I guess it left a very deep wound in my heart. Since then, I am really afraid of giving all my love to a girl. I think countless of girls came up to my mind. But I still can’t find that special someone.

Today, I managed to. But I know I can’t tell her because everything would change if I were to tell her. I dont want to be close to her anymore because I dont want to plunge unknowingly into a bottomless pit that I had once entered. I dont want to give myself a chance to build my world around her. It’s a world that is bound to disappear one day..

So to that girl, I apologise here to you here. I dont know if you will come across this. I’m really sorry.

I really love you, but I cant make that love become a reality.
Because it is something that you will never convince yourself to accept it.

Random

It’s been a long time, since Sep?
Once again, the year is ending.
It will definitely be my 5th year ending the year as a single.
And, to be honest, I think I’m already so used to being single.

Attempts at falling back into love with someone worth loving proved unsuccessful.
In the meanwhile, I have to say I’m fickle(Yes, I am, but only after the failed attempt).
I always complained that the girls do not actually fit the type I want.
But somewhat(maybe deserving) I am not v good either.
For all the complains, it brings one question.

Do others even consider you in the first place?

I dont think so, hence i think i do not have the rights to criticise  others bah(this one is for you, ms lim=)

I am always in a state of confusion nowadays, because I dont really know who I like or who I just have an unexpected affection on. Maybe… I set the standard for love too high for myself(well, ahem one was the benchmark)

I’m not troubled nor confused at the moment, but I just have this sudden feeling to blog and say such things. Well, out of the blue moon I guess.

Actually, I think it’s disgusting for me to say such things on a blog, but well, i think it’s my platform to express my feelings bah, especially I’m no longer close to ahem and not able to narrate to my close confidante(or more), I just cant seem to narrate my feelings well. Anyway, if you find it disgusting, I’m sorry for causing your viewing displeasure then.
*BOW*

Last but not least, my mum said something during lunch just now, which i can still remember clearly.

I think ah, your attempts at wooing someone confirm fail one. Right? Got happen before?

Well, I didn’t answer that question. Haha.

Well,  last thing is, I may seem very cold and emotionless to many people, but trust me, it’s just a facade to prevent myself from being hurt again. I procrastinate a lot in love nowadays, and that’s because I dont want to hurt myself anymore and I dont want to lose the closeness that I can have with some of them. I dont wanna lose them as friends.

In conclusion, life is lonely.

Anyway, I think the photo shows how a confused and hapless me looks like.
Well, who like being hapless and powerless? Love is just so complicated, huh?

P.S Sorry for the random order of this post. I didnt take much effort to organise it. I just followed what my heart told me at that particular moment. Anyway, first english writing since the 26/27th Oct.